I heard them come in. It was the middle of the night. My ex-husband and his brother had been only Jehovah knows where doing only Jehovah knows what. I peacefully drifted back to sleep comforted by Jehovah's promises to never leave me nor forsake me. No matter what happened Jehovah was my strength.
I awakened to being hit in the mouth by my ex-husband. I could taste the blood as I pleaed, "What is wrong with you? Why did you hit me?" His reply was, "What are you doing in the bed asleep?" I said, "It is the middle of the night. The children and I went to bed hours ago? What are you doing?" Little of what he did made sense. He would drink so excessively and pee in the cabinets and the corners of a room. When I complained his reply was, "I ain't peed in the cabinet or I ain't peed in the floor." He never took ownership of what he did when he was drinking. He never took ownership of what he did that I didn't like. He always denied it. It seemed like if I saw him put on red underwear and he wanted me to believe they were yellow he would argue me down that they were yellow.
I tried him one night though. I held one of his expensive cowboy boots in my hand and brought it towards his stream of urine and he stopped urinating. So he did know. He knew that he was peeing in by kitchen cabinet. This man who did such ungodly and hurtful things and denied it all and blamed it on his drinking knew. No longer could he tell me that he didn't remember and get away with it. I would try to talk to him and plea with him to stop drinking and go to church with me and live right.
For so long I lived with this exhibiting the fruit of the spirit. I remained calm and loving and kind and patient and just knew I could love him out of it but now I knew that he knew. He wanted to do these things and say the things that he said. He never recanted. He never apologized. He never showed any remorse for doing and saying such horrible things to me and tearing me down. This wasn't something that I could love him out of. Only Jehovah could change his heart.